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Yoo Hoo! Anyone Still Out There?

Hello to all of you that are still around. I hope you are all well. I will catch up with your journals in a little bit. It's been a while, I know. A lot of it has been because there has not been much to post about. I'm still at the hotel working. I'm still looking for a new job. So life post graduation has not been much to talk about.

However, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflection. I've spent most of the summer job hunting and so much of my time has been wrapped up in that. I've been focusing so much on the future and what it can be and what I want it to be that I'm not living in the present. I used to live so much of my life in the past, focusing on things that happened when I was a kid. Now I worry about the future (a very adult thing to do). I've been working on focusing on the present and appriciating life in the here and now. My birthday was about three weeks ago. I'm 32 years old and my life is not what I thought it would be at all. All the time I was dealing with school (directly and indirectly), I felt that my life was in limbo. Now that I'm done with school, I'm trying to figure out what to do next. That keeps changing everyday. I'm restless for something new but I don't know what it is yet. I feel that I should be doing something more with my life but I don't know what.

Anyway, I've been going through a lot of things in my head and not focusing on what is happening in the here and now. My life is pretty good as is right now. So many people have it much worse than I do. I have such a great support system around me, and I have everything I need. I need to focus on that and take every day one step at a time. Things will happen in their own time.

I have not felt like hanging out with anyone lately, in part because my work schedule has been weird. However, I need to interact with people I don't work with. I've joined a French-speakers club in town. The first meeting is this Wednesday. I'm trying to catch up with friends in all forms. I have many letters and notes to write to people. I miss interacting with you guys on LJ. I miss hanging out with my in-person friends.

I'm rambling again. Hopefully, next time you hear from me won't be so long.

I Did It!!!

It has been a very long while. Believe me when I say that you have not missed much on my end. Today, though, was the payoff. After 13 years, one long break, two schools, two towns, three majors, a couple of breakdowns, a lot of uncertainty, many all-nighters, and more love and support than a girl can ask for, I AM A COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!! I didn't think it would be so emotional but it was. It is. I'm not one to crow about my achievements but I am truly proud of myself that I didn't give up and made it to the end. I don't know what the future holds (other than paying off my student loans) but I'm excited and nervous and happy that after all this time, I can finally move forward with my life.


I'm testing out the new app. It is almost 3 am and I am still up after waking up randomly over an hour ago. My stomach is bothering me so that is probably why. Sorry I haven't been around much. There has not been much to report lately. School. Work. That is my life these days.

Hopefully most of you will get the song reference in my title. Very fitting since it has been a while since I have touched base. To quote an earlier post from loca, work has consumed my life. It's that time of the year that people are coming and going. Some are going on vacation. Others are quitting. So guess who is the go-to girl since I've done every shift and I'm so close to the hotel? Yay for money. Boo for no sleep. Case in point, it's 3:45 in the morning. I should be in bed getting ready to come to work at 7. I'm currently at work now because the third shift guy we JUST HIRED didn't show up. The guy on second shift asked the security guy to watch the desk until I came in in the morning. However, the security guy doesn't know how to do anything on the desk and is a slacker to boot so I just came in. My mistrust was validated when I come in to the security guy on his laptop in the parlor which is not even in the same room as the desk. So here I am, at work since 1:30 in the morning and not scheduled to leave work until 3 in the afternoon. However, since the front desk manager will need to be notified of all of this (second shift guy called him when third shift guy didn't show up but he didn't answer his phone as usual), I'm going to see if there is a possibility if he can cover the rest of first for me so I can go to sleep. Especially if there is a chance that I will have to do third properly tomorrow night.

I will preface this by saying that I'm so grateful to have the job that I have. One I enjoy for the most part and has been good to me in regards to school. I realize how lucky I am to have a job at all after struggling to get one (as most of you remember me lamenting at the time). It's not that I want to sound ungrateful because I'm really not. I'm more frustrated than anything. We have had a LOT of turnover in the last month. The front desk manager leaves on Wednesday (took a job in another town) so that will be the fifth person we have lost in about six weeks. I have a strong feeling that we will have more people leave before the end of the summer. Most left for other jobs, which I don't mind and completely understand. However, what bothers me is that a few just up and left without any notice. One day they were here, the next they were not. Not only does that bug me with the lack of professionalism, it also puts us all in a bind since we are scrambling to get shifts covered. I'm glad to be able to help out, I really am. It's just a lot to take in and my hours are all over the place so my sleeping schedule is very off. With so many people leaving and so many people coming in and needing to be trained, a lot has been put on my shoulders, intentionally or not. However, I'm up there in seniority so I need to step up and get things done for the sake of the team. I know people are worried that I'm being taken advantage of but no one is making me do something against my will. I just might have to learn to say "no" more often.
I'm sure most of you have probably heard that Maya Angelou has died. For those of you who are not familiar with her, she was a Civil Rights activist (she was friends with Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr.), actress, singer, dancer, poet, and author. Even though she spent most of my lifetime (the last 25 or so years of her life) in my hometown, I never got a chance to meet her or hear her speak in person, something I deeply regret.

Throughout my life, I never felt very comfortable in my own skin. I felt conflicted about who I felt I should be compared to what my family and my society said I should be. It is something that I still struggle with even as an adult. I grew up hearing about Maya Angelou as this almost mythical being growing in Winston-Salem. Someone famous lives in Winston-Salem! When I read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, I was going through a very turbulent time at home. I felt a connection with her story, especially the relationship she had with her grandmother. I saw many parrells with the relationship I had (and still have) with my grandmother. Though I have not read her other memoirs, this one always stuck me with the creative language and the sense that I'm more than what has happened to me. I may not be able to control what happens to me but I can control how I handle it. Surviving is one thing. Thriving is shows true strength. We are all human and what connects us is much bigger than what can divide us.

Le Sigh...

I love French but my French Conversation class is not making it easy. I know I can do better but I am doing the best that I can. It's unbelievably frustrating knowing that your professor thinks you should not be in the class. I know I can do it and I'm not going to give up!


Rambling On

I'm feeling better than I have been lately. I'm no longer sick, which has been helpful. I've decided to just focus on one language at a time instead of two. I've been trying to be better at taking care of myself. However, I have been feeling restless lately. I don't know what to do exactly. Now that I'm so close to finishing, I don't want to leave school but I'm feeling the desire to move on. Maybe another trip abroad is in order. I'm definitely feeling the desire to move on with work. Some of it is due to the drama that I have mentioned over the last several months. However, a lot of it is restlessness. The thing is that I feel stuck there because of the school thing. The flexibilty of it is very helpful with my school schedule but...I don't know. I just feel stuck here; I've done all can do and I should move on. I'm beyond grateful for everything, please don't get me wrong. I just feel that there is more that I can be doing. However, I'm not sure what that is.

School is okay. I've decided to just focus on French right now so that is what I'm getting my degree in. Doing two languages at the same time was too much for me, and I'm struggling in Spanish. Hopefully, I will be able to study abroad again sometime next year but I don't know.
I've been spending a lot of time working, a lot of time studying and doing school stuff, and a lot of time thinking. I've had to do (and I'm still doing) some major soul searching and thinking about my life and the direction I want it to go. A good chunk of that is related to school but some of it is other stuff. It's nothing super serious but I rather not get into it on LJ at the moment. I just wanted to let you guys know I'm okay and I'm still around.

It's Almost 5am. Guess What I'm Doing?

If you guessed trying not to fall asleep at work and counting down the minutes to 7am, you are correct. In more work-related drama, the night auditor became really ill and has to have some surgery. Myself and a couple of other people are having to work third shift and do the audit this week. The thing is, I'm the only one that has been trained to do audit. When I say trained, I mean the auditor actually showed me what to do. The others have not. Fun times. Add to this classes starting on Wednesday, this means I'm not getting much sleep this week, especially Wednesday.

Anyone Have A Boat Handy?

It's raining. Again. It is the seventh day in a row we have had some rain during the day. I'm grateful for the rain because North Carolina has needed it for the last several years. Actually, due to all the rain we had last month, for the first time in at least three years, we are not in a drought. However, it would be nice to have one day where I can hang out my laundry outside and not worry about it being rained on. Oh well, it's not the summer if it is not raining at some point but this is the most rain that I have seen in a very long time.